Bella (bellarisa) wrote in realchickspeak,

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Opinions Please: Speaking to People You Don't Like?

Hey Ladies,

I had a situation come up over the weekend that I'd like to hear your

I belong to a certain community that has an active online forum
and a huge party every year. There is a person on the forum with whom I do not
get along, I've tried for 8 years now and it doesn't work; he posts very
insultingly on topics that are deeply important to me (and about which he knows
nothing and has zero experience btw), makes very nasty insinuations about my
lifestyle, makes sure to drop an insult in threads that have nothing to do with
the topics we've discussed, etc. He's like this with lots of people, to the
point that the moderators banned him for a week very recently, and then had to
ban all 7 or 8 of his fake names. Yes, his fake names that he uses to support
himself in arguments. This guy even used a fake name to pose as a woman who has
a huge crush on him and gushed about how handsome and cool he is, it was pitiful
when he was busted. (He wasn't busted publically, btw, just the mods and a few
of us knew.) I finally put him on my 'ignore' list and now i just don't receive
anything he writes, it's better for my blood pressure.

This past Sunday
he came to the annual party, and to be honest he's always nice and normal in
real life. But when he came up to me and said hello I just couldn't speak to
him. I wanted to, but all the unwarranted nasty things he's said to myself and
friends of mine over the last year came right to my mind. So I just nodded and
walked away, and made sure I was away from him for the rest of the event. I was
taught the whole " if you can't say something nice..." so I kept my distance. I
thought that was the mature thing to do. We had a huge place for the party, so
he and I had a ton of fun away from each other with no problem.

But now
I'm hearing that he's telling everyone that I was horribly immature and mean to
him (!) and that "an adult would have left her resentment at the door and just
had fun with everyone". This blew me away. I didn't have it in me to be a
hypocrite and smile in his face all afternoon, and I stayed away so we could
both have a good time.

Was that wrong? He feels that the online friction
shouldn't affect me in real time. I still wanted to push his face in. Thoughts
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